Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
