I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
