He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
