they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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