We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
