Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
