I just made out with a guy for $7.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
