i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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