in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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