Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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