So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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