just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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