i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
