brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
