I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
