My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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