my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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