is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
