she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
