Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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