Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
