Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she pinky promised me she was 18
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
