Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
