THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sext me about skeletons
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