I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
