I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
