I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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