Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
