so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
