We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
