Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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