I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
