I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
