my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
