If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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