Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am spending my child support on dildos
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
