True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
