so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
