You just made me feel so damn special
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
