I can't watch pbs sober anymore
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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