24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
