Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
someone get that fucking seahorse.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
