do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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