I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
