I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
