So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
