I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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