the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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