im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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