you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret