there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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