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dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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