Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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