Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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