'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
