is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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