I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
