I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
