Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
