I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
