girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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