I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
