the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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