I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
