What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
