it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
