I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
