I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize