kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
