Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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