I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
