she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
