onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
