Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
