Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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