you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
