Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
