physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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