He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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