What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
