so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
