hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
