Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
