Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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