mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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