sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
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