It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
